Adventure Junky

I think it is weird but its me. I loooove excitement and uncertainty. It gets my blood pumping. It gets me so high I lose my breathing pattern! I wanna sky dive, be amongst the sharks, and anything else that will get me pumped!! Weird but I sort of like being in dangerous situations (as long as no one gets hurt). I love surprises!!!! Mainly because no one can surprise me!! LOL I look and watch EVERYTHING!

I'm also a scary person!! LOL You can't make me do something illegal, knowingly!! But doing something in hopes of not getting caught is such a thrill!!! I really have to start a bucket list and just start doing random things!! It's so many things to do in this world to get your goose!! LMAO

• Racing
• Going Commando (special occasion only)
• Eavesdropping
• Running amongst a crowd
• Sky diving
• Swimming with sharks
• Role Playing in Public
• Haunted Houses
• Watching a SCARY movie alone, at night with the surround sound blaring
• Going camping with only matches, water, and a fishing pole
• Being amongst a bad storm, in the tub, hearing the sirens

I know, I know!! Weird!!!! 

Lost

Somewhere along the way I lost you. I use to be extremely outspoken, fun, and energetic. I think I gave you away in a packaged deal but it was not my intentions to. I need you back. I need me back. I've become engulfed by the opinions of many that dictates not one step in my life. I need me back. The friends I use to talk to are living their lives, of course but I've caused them to live it without me. I don't blame them, entirely. I want their friendship just as they want mine. Somewhere along the way I lost who I am. I was strong, alive, a beaming light. Now I just simmer in my corner. I've gone about things all wrong. I have to repair these broken bridges. I have to find myself back to me. Many dreams and ideas, wants and aspirations have been thrown by the way side. It's time for me to live out those dreams, make those ideas reality, and just break boundaries I've bricked and mortared. I'm reclaiming myself this day. I'm going to find you, hold you, and never let you go again. My power, my confidence, ME.

I Think I Hate You

Yea, I know, hate is such a strong, powerful word but these feelings I have fits under no other category. I'm a little too emotional to V-blog about it so I'm just going to do this the old fashion way. This is a letter to someone who will probably never read this.

Dear Thief,

You have attempted to take something from me so valuable and rare. Your reasoning behind it makes no sense yet you still want something you know not the true value of. It broke my heart when I found out it was you who tried stealing the very thing I looked up too. That's my benchmark, that's my love, my connection to the past I hold dear to my heart. What is it to you? You lie if you say it means more to you than me. Look what you did when you had it? I would shed blood for it, giving it all I had, yet you only tried taking what didn't belong to you. You thief!  I feel I would take your life for it but it's of no comparison.

Will I ever look at you the same? Never! Will I ever love you again? Probably not. I loved because you were loved. Now I must forgive because you have been forgiven. Only because God forgave me will I forgive you. I have repented and I hope you do the same.

Next time we cross paths, be grateful of the head nod I give and the silence that follows. Next time our eyes meet, thank God for Jesus, the only reason forgiveness comes from me. 

I think I hate you,
Camelia